Mechanical Poise
by The What-If Writer
Summary: ONE-SHOT; Alone in his lab, Professor von Kiplspac muses about his plan as he works on his newest army of menaces.


_I think my favorite animal besides foxes and bunnies are weasels- don't ask why. They're always hilarious evil doers in the media._

_Anyway, to those who actually find this, here's a fic about our villain Professor Von Kriplespac. _

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Mechanical Poise

_Drip, drip drip._

The cold, bitter air of the lab was icy and harsh on the fur; The darkened chamber dimmed like a fading lamp light in an empty street. Many vials and beakers lay messy yet somewhat organised in different sections upon workshop and shelves; crazy yet complexly organised. Much like the inhabitant of the lab itself. The dull moonlight behind the clouds only barely managed to peek through the glass-less window, a single square hole in the stone walls. Many would call this window a dangerously open risk, but none questioned it. No anymore at least. It was eerily quiet, and it was still. A single tap law on the far side of the room, morbid droplets of water leaking from its spout.

_Drip, drip, drip._

A abrupt spark in the dim lit the lab for a split second before fading away; a startling flash of pale blue in the dank chamber that faded, only to return a few moments later. Accompanying this light was the electric hiss prone to the lab's equipment.

A strange, crooked shadow was cast on the wall as these lights sparked, its chaired, bent form leaning over the workshop as they worked. With every flash, a different tool appeared in mismatched paws. It was an almost frightening sight to see, if you were not the one the shadow belonged to.

The weasel, or what seemed to be left of that creature, was sat per usual on his hovering chair constructed of complicated wires and metal; one of the most advanced piece of equipment in this rowdy land that called itself a country. A single, luminous red eye gleamed sharply through the darkness as he paused for a moment. Mismatched eyes scanned the surroundings as if he'd heard something. Then, he gave a single dismissive titter and returned to his construction.

Oddly enough, various pieces of fluff lay around the work table; a rare thing in his line of work. The Professor, or 'Ze Professor' As he refereed to himself, had always tinkered with metals and chemicals. Fluff was new.

The weasel's eyelids slid down halfway in a thoughtful, yet almost arrogant manner as he dipped on of the fluff balls in a vile of innocently clear liquid, watching the soft tuft absorb the foul smelling liquid. He hummed to himself, a high, raspy noise echoing in the large lab as he dropped the fluff into the thing he was working on.

Explosive liquid...added to the cotton just encase things get desperate...

The legless weasel stopped once again to admire his work, that thing being what looked like a sinister teddy bear. A raspy, inward chuckle shook his body a little as he began to sew up the beastly thing (which, upon observation, was almost as big as himself, if not larger) and even hummed a few notes as he worked. A new project, he knew, was always a joy to work on. Especially...

A silent, yet dangerous snarl came to the cyborg weasel's face and he growled quietly. With that stupid idiot that called himself a King telling him to do such trivial task...fix a table for milk...

But, The Professor reminded himself with a sick sort of glee, that wouldn't be for long...

He pulled out a sharp, chain-saw like tool just as he flung the teddy bear mutant onto the pile with the others and began an new one, the whirling blade shattering the eerie silence of his lab. A low cackle rippled his chest.

"An' through ze noise, Ve make our toyz...With a tool, ze mechanical poise..." He murmured in a half-song to himself as he moved the dangerous tool around, his soft yet raspy voice tinted with a dark calm.

CLUNK.

His whirling came to a stop when an interruption occurred. He lowered his weapon/tool with annoyance and looked over his shoulder as the perpetrator poked his head in to look at him. A younger, timid whelp of a guard weasel stared back at his pointed glare uneasily.

"Vhat?" The sanity-challenged weasel hissed. The younger jumped at the distasteful tone and pulled of his over-sized helmet respectively.

"Uh-uhm." He mumbled, coughing to clear his barley broken voice, "I-I was...eep."

The Professor gave him a sinister, threatening growl at his hesitance. Being a solitary and very busy weasel at the moment, he had no time for snot-nosed youths. The weasel boy shrank back at the elder's snarl and barely managed to keep his voice going at the look,

"I was s-ent to tell you th-that a red squirrel's been seen." The Professor's face became blank, "Um...the one you told his Majesty..."

"Yesss..." The Professor drawled after a moment, a single green eye almost sane-looking in his thoughtful pose, "Ze Squirrel..."

The young weasel decided to take his leave, stepping back to the door uncertainly. "I won't bother you, sir." He murmured before turning to the door.

"Yess, Yes." Came the dismissive reply, followed by one of lighter heart and almost eagerness, "Go and tell his majesty zat ze problem vill be over...soon..."

The young weasel nodded quickly before vanishing, and once the heavy door to the dank lab closed Ze Professor allowed a breathless, hissing cackle. Then, he bluntly remarked to himself:

"Stupid oaf."

He pushed the joy stick on his chair forward and moved back to his work table to continue his work. He felt a little more bright now, being reminded of his plan...

That stupid fool of a King...no brains, all brawl, thinking his problems could be sorted out with a snap of his stupid thick fingers...he would be gone soon. And The Professor

wouldn't have to deal with his idiotic problems.

_Knock Knock!_

He growled sharply and halted his work again, finding that the weasel boy from before had poked his head back through the door with hast. "Vhat now, you stupid brat?!"

The smaller mammal jumped and gulped notably. The Professor allowed a faint shadow of a smirk to appear at the youth's unease.

"Uh-uhm, The King requests a full plan later on, s-sir..."

The Professor scowled to himself irritably, his temper flaring. "Vhat? Vhy?"

"Uh-uhm...He just said he wanted to hear more." The younger weasel shuffled uneasily in the doorway, wringing his hands and bowing his head. He clearly was hoping to escape the elder's temper-fulled wrath.

"He..." The Professor muttered darkly to himself, "Has the IQ of...of..."

"Duct tape?" The smaller weasel offered helpfully, only to regret it the moment the words left his mouth. The Professor's head jerked up to look at him, and he gulped. Never forget, he thought to himself, the Weasel in front of him was certainly dangerous...

"If you don't get out of my zight I vill dissect you vike a vittle, stupid frog."

The younger weasel jumped in the air comically before darting out of the lab, swinging the door shut as he did so after the Professor's words. The sentence had began like a charging gun: growing to a threatening shout with every syllable. The Professor took a moment to calm himself and turning back to his bench, muttering various curse words and threats towards the Panther King. And the boy, of course.

"Duct Tape..." He muttered darkly as he went on with his work, saw in hand and blue lights flaring in the damp, dark chamber, "If I ever zee zat little runt again I vill tie him up the duct tape and he canz join ze anti-gravity chocolate out ze vindow..."

Well, at least he wouldn't have to put up with this any longer. Soon, his army would be ready. And that idiot king would be finding out what real problems were...like dying, for instance...

That thought in mind, his mechanical arm and eye working at full level, the weasel sawed and sewed on through the night, an ominous tone to his posture as he worked on.

"An' through ze noise, Ve make our toyz...With a tool, ze mechanical poise..."

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_Evil songs with sanity-challenged lyrics, everyone._

_Please review! _


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